you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
