I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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