I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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