Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
