I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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