Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
