god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
