My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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