I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
