i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
