i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?