Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?