Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
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Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.