My cat gives me a boner
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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