I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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