i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize