I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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