i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i think i just lost a toe
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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