Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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