SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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