I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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