We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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