Nicole vs. Life
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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