i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
