After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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