I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
