And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
