Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
