HIV tests are more positive than that guy
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
