Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
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No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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