Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
