you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
