I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
