everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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