my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
