a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
