Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
