I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he fucked my hip out of place.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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