so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
