I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
