end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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