i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
