we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
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I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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