i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
