Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
