At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
