My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
