oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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