just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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