Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
