apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
