On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
