a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
