In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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