Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm just crazy horny about you
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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