Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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