she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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