i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
