there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
