wat bout pragnant strippers??
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
