u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
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I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
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I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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