i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
