Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
