I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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