Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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