Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
