I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
why is half of my head shaved?
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